Today

Sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on so many things, like I want to go on an adventure. I keep forgetting that I just packed my bags and moved across that country 3 months ago, but I‘m antsy already. I have this need to explore the world. I’m worried that I won’t get the chance to. It’s like I can never be happy with what I have, like I think that there is always something better and that my life is lacking sustenance. I keep getting closer to the border, but not for very long. I don’t know if that means something. I was on the bus a lot today and I was so tired by the end of the day. I think I learned something today about being an adult. I’ve been trying to tell myself to suck it up for awhile now and I think that today I did just that. I decided to be joyful, and it was hard, but it was so much better than being crabby today. I did a presentation on budgeting and identity theft in Spanish today by myself because I had to fill in for one of the other VISTAs and I think that I did a great job.

 On the bus on the way home I was looking around and I did feel like I fit in with everyone else who has to ride the bus and lives in low-income housing (where I gave the presentation). It’s too bad that I don’t feel the same way at work. At work I feel like I’m the only one who struggles, everyone else seems to be so worried with impressing their boss. It’s like a game; who can make up the most BS? Me, I can!!! Oh, Pick me!! I’m living between two different worlds, but maybe that’s the point, maybe that’s suppose to help me understand both sides of the story. I don’t know. Maybe this is the beginning of wisdom, understanding, and then action. How do I act on this? Where do I start? How do we break down these walls?

Writing instead of blurting...

I feel like graduation was so long ago. the process is never ending, graduating and then starting school all over again. Now that you've graduated, what are you going to do next? Grad school? The real world. I have just started working in the real world and already it feels like I have been here forever. I don't really like this real world. I want to go back to fake world. let's wonder around the country in a van that breaks down all the time. Where is the adventure. People want to settle down and buy a house and raise a family. WHY?

What is so good about being stuck in some town for 15-30 years paying off this mortgage with a bunch of screaming kids that say they hate you? You come home from work, sit, eat, maybe read or watch tv for a few hours and get up and do it again. What is so great about that life? Yes, maybee you have a nice car and a great house, but for what? What is so exciting about it?

Maybe I just have a different set up than most people. I need to travel; I need to experience. Being stuck in the house for long periods on end drives me crazy. It's like I need to get out; I need to feel something; I need to feel like I'm living and not trapped in subtle suburbia. Maybe it's the routine; routine is boring. I think in the end it's just security, it makes people feel safe.

I don't want to be safe. We only get 1 life, Let's use it!

April Thoughts...Part dos

Random thought *I think it's funny that the types of cars I had growing up aren't even close to safe to most people. So many high schoolers these days have such a cushy life.

Random thought #2 *Sometimes I think that professionalism is funny. It seems like your acting, playing a part to fit in. The effective workers do something, everyone else seems to pretend to do something.

Another day:
I don't think that I'm helping enough. My job title is Volunteers In Service To America and I still think that I'm not making a big enough impact. I'm trying to find more ways to volunteer in my community, but the places that I'm used to aren't working out here. I need to ask around, but not that many people around me volunteer. I forget that my whole 8-5 job is helping the community; just because I'm not getting my hands dirty doesn't mean that my work isn't making a difference. In fact I'm learning that the most significant amount of change tends to come from working on the inside. :)

April Thoughts...

So throughout the month I have been writing down different thoughts that come to me while I'm sitting at my desk starring at my computer screen. Not sure which ones came first. :)

1.I'm not always thinking about how my words are effecting other people, or even how it makes them think. I comment about $, not having a lot, or something that insinuates the lack there of and then I'm not ready for the response. Stopping to consider the outcomes of my words before I say them would be better than what I am doing at that moment. I am just end up babbling because I just want to talk. I don't seem to care what I say or how it effects another person's thoughts.

It is so hard for me to just be patient. I don't understand why I think that I am so important and that what I have to say can't wait another minute to hear another person's thoughts. I feel so selfish lately. I came here to be love; to practice humility. I feel like I am failing at it. If I learn nothing else, I need to understand that humility is the highest degree of wisdom. I was reading in "The future of Peace" today and i read something very powerful. "If your mind doesn't stay with your body in the present, all sorts fo evil things--all sorts of distractions--will come flowing in to overwhelm it, making it fall away from its inner worth..."

I too often find myself making up my own stories in my head trying to make sense of everything or imagine scenarios of how things will go in the future. A lot of times that alone makes up my mood. If I just concentrated on living in the present, I would be a lot happier.

"If a man knows not what harbor he seeks, any wind is the right wind." -Seneca

Travel...it's gonna happen

I'm making a plan, a decision, a goal right now to do what I've always wanted to do...I'm going to travel. I want to spent a whole summer, that's 4 months (yes, a college summer), traveling through South America. I am going to start saving my money now and for the next 24 months, that's two years, and have enough money to spend a whole summer traveling.

I want so badly to see the world. I see people hiking through the jungle on the travel channel or friends climbing up mountains in the Andes and I just shake with excitement. I want to go out...I want to sleep in the rainforest and get down poured on...I want to see el Tierra del Fuego and learn to tango in Argentina. I see so many of my traveling friends experiencing all these exciting things and I want it too. If anyone wants to join me on this quest...let it be known...

2013 here I come!

To the Ladies...

I wrote this post earlier this week. Probably March 22nd.

I miss you guys. You know who you are. You are the people in my life that believe in loving on every single person.

Sometimes I think that we care in a way that others think is impossible. I feel like I could be caught up in thinking that thinks are impossible too if I let myself get carried away in some of the nonsense of this world. I know in part that I already do. I love shopping and going to the mall, and off course shoes. But as soon as I start spending my days thinking about volunteering instead, all of that goes away. Jesus takes over.

People need Jesus, without him I get those looks of I work really hard for what I have, but it's just given to someone else. I can't deny that I don't have some of those same feelings towards people that are given things by birthright, but that's not okay either. It will not make the world better; it only causes more judgment.

The more people I meet, I find out who they are, the more I need to reevaluate my own prejudices and give them up to Jesus, our hope. I recently read something that the Dalai Lama said in a book by Scott Hunt, "The Future of Peace". In it the Dalai Lama explained to the Hunt that,

"Since you and I are both Buddhists, to us Buddhism is best. Buddhism is the only religion, the only truth we follow. But now, on a human level, on the level of community and society, there cannot be a concept of only one religion or only one truth. There are many religions, and many religions are providing benefits to many different people. So, therefore, in a community we must say that there are many truths. There is pluralism. That, I feel, is the only proper way to work out the differences and confrontations between different believers. Several religions, several truths on the community level; one religion, one truth on the individual level. I admit that to me, Buddhism is the only religion. But that is merely to me. Because Buddhism is the most effective religion to me, I can't think about following the idea of a Creator. It is difficult for me to conceive of this. But to another member of the community, such as a Christian practitioner, to him or to her, Christianity is the most effective belief. Therefore, to Christians, Christianity is the only religion, the only truth. So, if you put one Buddhist and one Christian together, you have a pluralism of beliefs. That is the reality of the situation.

I think that when we talk about religion, about faith, that is primarily an individual's business. That's my felling. But each of us must recognize that all other religions have the potential--whether it is the same potential or not-- to provide satisfaction or inner peace or tranquility to humanity. To me, I have full conviction that Christianity and Islam and Hinduism--in fact all the great religions--have equal power to provide inner peace and define the purpose of life. Today millions of people can benefit from these religions. And they can in the future as well. So, there are plenty of reasons to recognize the potential of all religions to help humanity. Therefore, I feel there is a real possibility to create harmony among the religious traditions."

He goes on to mention five ways to improve harmony. He believes that all religious leaders should come together and visit each others holy cities and see the good human qualities in each of them. He went to Jerusalem and Lourdes in France and other Holy places to see people getting inspired of these great traditions. He believes that religious leaders should "come together to talk peacefully in front of the eyes of millions of people."

He goes on, "I think that is a very strong signal to the follows of the religious traditions who might be fighting somewhere. Exchanging bright words, in some cases perhaps very sincere prayers, I think that would be very good."

"The fifth is a point which has been suggested by the Archbishop Tutu. We need to exchange in volunteer work, in cooperative work involving the different traditions. That also gives us an opportunity to forget about our own tradition and work together as brothers and sisters. I think that is an excellent idea.

Hunt replied that, "[it] would go a long way to end religious fighting. But I think that the trouble in establishing peace is not with the true believers who have a strong conviction that they should do right, but rather with those who don't sincerely believe in the teachings of their own faith about peace." 

The Dalai Lama then point out two important things. That in order to reduce fundamentalist thinking the follower of the religion tradition should truly implement peace in his or her daily life and that we must recognize out interdependence upon each other.

SO, I was thinking that by learning about other religions and knowing the values in others we can really see how to use those values to bring about peace and compassion. I truly believe that each one of us has the power to change the world. It is foolish to not believe it to be true. After all,

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."-Margaret Mead

I little reflecting goes a long way...

So because I don't have internet regularly I have been writing my thoughts down at work when I think of them. I think that this one is from March 16th.

I was in such a different place a year ago today. I had just gotten back from Costa Rica and had a new mind set & a new group of friends. I was happy, really truly happy. Life was good. It seemed like it had been so long since I felt that way, like I could relax again. Alas, the summer changed things around, shed some truth on where my life was going and sent me off on another adventure. It was really tough being so far away, especially when my mind wasn't focused on God. I had left so many things behind back home that I felt alone and helpless with the task at hand.

I pushed myself so hard during those six weeks to just be humble and take whatever came my way with a smile. It was so difficult, but I learned that a little perseverance goes a long way.

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day and unlike last year, I'm going to bed early because somehow I became an adult and I have to go to work in the morning. :)