It's already started

Today was difficult. The apartment that I was going to rent fell through; the landlord ended up renting it out to another person. I was just shocked at first that I really didn't have an apartment lined up anymore and I stopped to take a few breaths and tell myself that it was okay and that I would find something else because I just realized that I'm in El Paso with about 150lbs. of luggage with no apartment to put it in and no vehicle to get me there. I'm staying with my VISTA supervisor temporarily...which I am very grateful for, she is very nice, and so is her husband. I don't know what I would do without them. I just feel stuck living out of my suitcases.


I think that I forgot to plan my brain for all of the what ifs that could happen moving out here....I have just had so many things, even little, planned in my head for my own relaxation and unwinding so I could start living in the city here. I know that I have only been here one full day, but I havem't had that moment where I look outside and take that deep breath and say, "This is Home". I feel as if I can't in the current situation, and I know that that is part of my challenge, but I feel like it's more of a vacation than a reality. I tell myself, and others I'm sure, that I'm so good at rolling with the punches and being able to adapt well in stressful situations, but today I, well in retrospect, maybe I did a good job....I didn't complain or get that frustrated. I took a small breath and told myself that it was going to be okay and that God had my back.


I learned that some of the other VISTAs from last year stayed with my supervisor and her husband, Brittany and Ricardo, as well. Some for even two weeks. I just keep remembering that I cut out that quote to put on my new bedroom wall, "Is this not the worship I have chosen...to loose the chains of injustice and to free those who are oppressed?" Yet it may have to stay in the baggy inside my checked luggage for a little while longer. :( Maybe that is God's point, patience, humility, wisdom, understanding. The road will be narrow, and only a few find it...